Going to church drunk … I can’t say that I’ve done that, but I’ll give it a shot! :-P
On my most recent teleseminar, I spoke about something called a “complaint-free week” and I basically said it was kind of dumb. I still think that, but I think the kind of complaining that were discussing is right in line with what the fellow who runs that event is aiming at.
I admit that I don’t complain or belly-ache about much to others for purely egotistical reasons: I don’t want to be defined that way; I don’t want others to see me that way; I don’t want to mar my reputation or the reputations of others with a slip of the tongue.
Yes, it’s sometimes silly and I sometimes know that just talking about something is quite cathartic, but I’ll only speak with those people whose confidence I trust. ANd even then … I mull it over a LOT before it comes to that point. I admit that I take it to an extreme because of my nature, but this is one of those cases where my extreme is better than the other extreme.
The other reason I don’t — and why you don’t as well as illustrated by your article — is that I don’t want to bring other people down. You’re right: Don’t be a “sucker” (of life, energy, life, spirit, momentum, whatever)! I often say that I don’t want to intrude negatively on someone else’s “trip.” We do that often enough inadvertently; why go the full monty with it?
Lastly, as I noted, those feelings are at best temporary and at worst lingering and gnawing. For the former, it’s just a matter of letting them pass. You’re probably one joke or smile or jam on the radio away from it passing. Deal.
For the latter, it might be time to do something about it. If something is gnawing, then there exists a persistent problem to one degree or another. Find it and solve it. It might not be easy, but it’s doable. It always is.
One more thing, if I may: many might confuse this with the whole “fake it till you make it” idea that gets batted about. I don’t think it is. It’s about wearing a social mask and allowing others to see only what you want them to see and it can occur for a number of reasons.
I never watched the TV show the Sopranos much, but I did catch a few episodes. In one, Tony I guess was feeling ill after an operation (I think he was shot in a prior episode) and his “gang” were starting to see him as weak, which was not a good thing in his position as the Boss. Sensing this, he started a fight with an underling and pummeled him rather thoroughly, thus putting to rest any perception that he might be getting weak. After the fight, Tony went into the bathroom and commenced to violently vomit and practically collapse. He was weak, but he wouldn’t let his followers see it.
To a degree, we’re discussing the same thing (hopefully without the fisticuffs!). It’s one of the facets of leadership that makes the job so difficult. It’s one of the prices a leader must pay at times.
But, it is what it is.
Have fun … Tony.
Hi Tony, having read your blog many times, I knew you would relate to this. When you said you refused ot let people see them or hear about them, that is also one of the biggest lessons I was taught by my father. I can remember him telling me that it is better to go to church drunk than to let folks see you discouraged or depressed. He was adamant about it and its great ot see you are too:-)
I had to read this article a few times — not only to let it sink it, but also to make sure that I was understanding it correctly. You see, I feel the same way and go through much of the same. There are times when I am decimated mentally and physically and emotionally and when left alone I will brood on the events or decisions that made me that way; but when in the company of others I won’t let on what’s eating me (at least I hope not!).
My personal view is that my “misfortune” (for lack of a better word) is no reason to bring other people down. It’s not only that, though. The main reason is that I know such feelings are temporary — and I refuse to allow people to see them or hear about them because I don’t want to be defined by them.
Thanks for this. :-)
Have fun … Tony.
Charlie Jones was full of perfect wisdom, wasn’t he? I love the way that he made the fewest amount of words go the farthest. I aim to develop that skill. Thanks for sharing your wisdom as well.
Thanks so much J! I really appreciate your comments and sharing of Charlie’s legacy:-)