What Happens When We Stop Holding the Line in Leadership and Life
As a dear friend reminded me recently: "Things don't go wrong—they start wrong." That simple but profound truth unlocked a deeper one: We are, by nature, selfish and stubborn creatures—wired to resist correction, even when it's for our own good. We'll march off a cliff rather than heed wise counsel.
Earlier this week, I was speaking in Sioux Falls, SD, leading a session on followership. One participant nailed it when he said, "Can we just admit that we humans kind of stink at following?" I had to laugh—because he's right.
And that brings us to this: every person on planet earth needs a lot more stewarding and a lot less support. If love alone made us better followers, the road to destruction would be empty. But it's not. Because too much support—without truth—creates "me-monsters." And too much justice—without relationship—creates scaredy-cats.
Here's the critical distinction: Support ≠ Stewardship.
And it matters deeply—for every leader, follower, parent, board member, trustee, friend, son, daughter, volunteer, church member. You name it.
Support vs. Stewardship
Support says, "I'm here for you." Stewardship says, "I'm responsible for what becomes of you." Support is the hug. Stewardship is the grip. Support listens. Stewardship also redirects.
We've been raised on the illusion that love = comfort. But real love steers. It corrects. It jolts when needed. Anything less? That's not compassion—it's cowardice.
Even the Military Expects Stewardship
I served in the U.S. military, where direct verbal orders had to be obeyed immediately. But here's what they drilled into us from day one: You are never obligated to follow an illegal or unethical order. You're duty-bound to question it.
Even in one of the most hierarchical systems on earth, blind obedience is not the goal—moral integrity is. So when today's leaders say they want support but recoil at feedback, they're not leading—they're lording.
Support without stewardship becomes dangerous—whether in the military, the marketplace, or the ministry.
That's why I champion Robert Kelley's model of followership. At its core? Critical thinking.
Leaders are only effective when they foster a culture of ethical discernment and honest dialogue, rather than blind allegiance wrapped in emotional language, such as "non-interference" and "deference." If your team can't ask hard questions, your leadership has stopped being servant-hearted and started being self-serving.
It's Not Just About Work—It's About Friendship, Too
This issue isn't just a leadership issue. It happens around kitchen tables, over coffee, and in our most personal relationships. Maybe you have a friend caught in a lifestyle or pattern that's wrecking their health, family, or faith. You love them. You want to support them. But real love doesn't just affirm pain—it confronts its cause.
Support says, "I see you." Stewardship says, "I love you too much to let you stay here." If we merely empathize without exhorting, we enable. And that's not love—it's fear dressed up in kindness.
We weren't made to be emotional bystanders. We are called to steward the relationships God entrusts to us—with truth, grace, and courage.
The Five You Cannot Steward
You can support anyone. You can pray for everyone. But stewardship requires yielded soil. Here are the ones you cannot steward:
- The Proud – They already know everything.
- The Unaccountable – They vanish when things get hard.
- The Autocrat – They demand loyalty, not feedback.
- The Mean-Spirited – They use correction to wound, not build.
- The Spiritually Manipulative – They call accountability "attack."
And Leaders—Let's Talk. Yes, Us Too.
In addition to leading companies and coaching professionals, I've spent the past 16 years sitting on and training nonprofit boards. I've seen the good, the godly, and the guarded.
There's a dangerous assumption in many faith-based or purpose-driven circles: "The person at the top wears the crown. They've been anointed. Our job is to support." But just because you wear the crown doesn't mean you're beyond correction. Support-only leadership creates kingdoms. Stewardship-based leadership builds the Kingdom.
In boardrooms, pulpits, corner offices, and elder teams, we've confused spiritual humility with positional immunity. We say: "She's the headmaster. He's the lead pastor. He's the president. Our job is to support them."
But biblical stewardship says: "You are responsible for what is under you, but accountable to those around you."
Jesus modeled this perfectly. He washed feet. He submitted to his Father. He welcomed honest questions from His disciples and challenged leaders who wouldn't listen. So, why do so many modern leaders recoil from feedback as if it were betrayal? Because somewhere along the way, we stopped stewarding the truth and started protecting the positions.
Final Word: The Embrace That Redirects
This world doesn't need more support-only shepherds. It needs stewards. Stewards who can wrap you in love—and snap you back to attention. Stewards who know when to comfort, when to confront, and when to call it out.
So yes, be kind. Be loving. Be encouraging. But for the sake of excellence—and the next generation—be a steward. Be open to being stewarded. Or get out of the way.
